Page 2 of 2 FirstFirst 12
Results 16 to 24 of 24

Thread: Culture + Arranged Marriage = Good or Bad

  1. #16
    lol Vinnie's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2003
    Location
    coral springs
    Posts
    120
    Quote Originally Posted by vahsi000
    with the arguments, I kinda did it on purpose to see if she was the kind that gives up on something on the spot, like I believe that after I meet someone for a few days, I can get a good understanding of that persons characteristics and in return I feel obliged not to hide anything and to be upfront with any problems/concerns.
    I prefer to talk about someone's disposition/beliefs rather than argue when I first meet them. Things tend to go more smoothly that way.
    Quote Originally Posted by vahsi000
    Here's my question: Why is it that couples that believe that they are in love, the ones that date for a good few years brake up, whereas my parents didn't even know each other (considering they might have had 1 or 2 chances to speak with one another) and they've been married for more than 40 years?
    Some people grow apart after a while, even after knowing each other for years. Some people start far apart and grow closer together over time. Some people feel that staying together is of utmost importance and stay together regardless of which direction they should be going in.

    Your parents are one of the last two. I don't know which because I don't know them. But don't make the mistake of assuming that staying together = both people are happy, because such is not always the case.
    Vinnie Garcia - Web designer, programmer, pastry chef
    IBeBloggin' - a web design blog
    Web 2.Oh! (BETA) - laugh at the tag clouds
    Rails Forum (BETA) - Learn about Ruby on Rails

  2. #17
    Registered bbolte's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2006
    Location
    Kansas
    Posts
    116
    aren't we still just talking cultural differences here? vinnie's (and mine) are of a western/american view, vahsi000's isn't. which is why i think that it can't objectively be discussed outside of that influence.

  3. #18
    Registered
    Join Date
    Apr 2006
    Posts
    103
    i guess your right bbolte, but i need to ask another question. What is love at first sight? Isn't that discriminatory love?"Sight", so two people can fall in love based on each others appearances but when I get arranged marriage (and I feel something special towards her), it's not love but "arranged marriage"?

    Here's how I see things; every human being has the ability to love someone, it's upto them if they do or don't. Since the western culture has the freedom to chose the person they want to fall in love with, most of the people are in search for the "perfect" match or something close to it. The previously stated reason is why majority of the couples divorce "looking for a better match".

    For anyone who posts after this post, I want all of you to answer if any of you believe in the "perfect match"?

    Note: Becareful on what you say Vinnie because your getting on my nerves. Firstly by judging me by my age and secondly by emphasising on the fact that I argued with my partner so much that your making it seem like I had a fight with her, one can also have an argument in a discussion manner which was what I had. While i'm at it, may i know how old you are Vinnie, so I can pay my respect accordingly.

  4. #19
    Registered
    Join Date
    Jul 2005
    Posts
    43
    Quote Originally Posted by vahsi000
    For anyone who posts after this post, I want all of you to answer if any of you believe in the "perfect match"?
    I meet my wife in your age and we lived together for about 10 years before we got married.I consider this to be the "safest" way to find your "perfect match".

    Having dates with your future wife without living together before the marriage does not tell you anything about how she reacts on everyday situations, money issues, etc. That means you don't actually know her.

    There are centain things you might consider before getting married.
    - Are 18 years of age enough to decide.
    - Where does the girl live? What is her educational backround? I mean you know about the internet, if she is on some mountain village without telephone, it's not going to work.
    - Today your parents rule about your marriage, will they tomorrow rule about every decision in you live?

    Take care

  5. #20
    Registered bbolte's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2006
    Location
    Kansas
    Posts
    116
    personally, i think the west is cofused about love. IMMHO, "romantic love", "soul mate" and whatever other term they use is really just an euphimism for infatuation. once that wears off, they think they've fallen out of love. the west has a very selfish view of love, IMO.

    understand, i'm not reffering to anyone that's participated in this thread, these are just my opinion that i've developed over the years observing those around me.

    so, in short, maybe there is a perfect match. but in my opinion, love should be "other focused" to be real. so finding the perfect match to me was more about, was i ready to love someone in this way? could i honestly look past what i needed and give what my wife needed?

    ok, it's sounding preachy, but just my thoughts. and btw, in case anyone's wondering, i've been married 19 years...

  6. #21
    lol Vinnie's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2003
    Location
    coral springs
    Posts
    120
    Quote Originally Posted by vahsi000
    Note: Becareful on what you say Vinnie because your getting on my nerves. Firstly by judging me by my age and secondly by emphasising on the fact that I argued with my partner so much that your making it seem like I had a fight with her, one can also have an argument in a discussion manner which was what I had. While i'm at it, may i know how old you are Vinnie, so I can pay my respect accordingly.
    I'm not intending to get on your nerves or offend you, but you have to understand that you asked for opinions, and opinions will vary based on the experiences of the person giving them. If you just wanted approval and congratulations then you should have asked for that.

    I've tried being respectful of cultural differences here but in all honesty much of what you said has all kinds of alarms going off in my head regardless of any cultural norms attached to it.

    For the record I'm 26. I started dating when I was 16, started dating my wife at 19, and went out for almost 5 years before getting engaged then waited another 15 months to get married. Countless friends of mine thought they were going to marry their boy/girlfriend when they were 17, and none of them are currently with the same person. It's nothing against your culture; it's that 17 year old kids in general are stupid when it comes to matters of love, dating and marriage regardless of where in the world they happen to live.
    Vinnie Garcia - Web designer, programmer, pastry chef
    IBeBloggin' - a web design blog
    Web 2.Oh! (BETA) - laugh at the tag clouds
    Rails Forum (BETA) - Learn about Ruby on Rails

  7. #22
    Registered
    Join Date
    Apr 2006
    Posts
    103
    Ok, let me try to tie this up:

    1. I'm marrying this girl as soon as I can.
    2. I'm going to be living with this girl until "death do us apart".
    3. If there is some major problem that we can't overcome (which i'm sure there won't be), then I have up to the age of 25 to witness it since i'm not planing on having kids any time before my mid 20's, by then of which i'll be living in my own house on working towards my career goals.
    4. In 10 years time i'll write a blog about this, how one doesn't have to date someone for years to know that they could be married happily ever after (as long as both people are from good background :P).

  8. #23
    Senior Member AndyH's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2004
    Location
    Australia
    Posts
    553
    Goodluck to you. I personally don't see it happening. Nothing against you, just people change.

    Personally, I don't see myself getting married for quite a long time. I want to travel and experience alot of different things...
    New website released. ya rly!

  9. #24
    Digitalized TCDigital's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2006
    Posts
    12
    Quote Originally Posted by vahsi000
    My parents have found a girl for me while i'm here at my vacation right now (in turkey). I said ok and told them i would talk with her, i've been going out with this girl for almost 2 weeks and she's going to become my fiance' this saturday. From what I've experienced from the past two weeks, i really like her, at first I liked her for her looks and now everyday that i spend with her I realise that it's who she is that i really like. We're both turning 18 this year and hopefully we'll be getting engaged during the next few weeks.

    Here's how I see things. I know for a fact that there is no such thing as a perfect couple, hence, looking for a partner by dating people for long periods of time seems kinda pointless. Like, every human being has good and bad characteristics so what we do is, we enjoy the good and deall with the bad, it's as simple as that.

    I don't like arrange marriage, seems like people will regret it after a while. Especially when your only dating for 2 weeks... I rather go out to this small world and know more people before thinking about marriage. Marrying at 18 does seem kind of early.. Don't you have someone else in mind or some sort?

Similar Threads

  1. Other Forums with good Marketplace
    By JasDesigns in forum The Marketplace
    Replies: 3
    Last Post: 04-07-2006, 05:25 PM
  2. How to choose good web hosting company?
    By etech-martin in forum Web Hosting & Servers
    Replies: 5
    Last Post: 11-23-2005, 12:38 PM
  3. Reseller Accounts - the good, the bad & the ugly
    By Pulse in forum Web Hosting & Servers
    Replies: 12
    Last Post: 10-14-2005, 01:36 PM
  4. Good Places to Submit Articles
    By Doug in forum General Promotion
    Replies: 9
    Last Post: 07-28-2005, 05:16 PM
  5. Good domain name?
    By Kings in forum Domain Names
    Replies: 3
    Last Post: 01-03-2004, 06:02 AM

Bookmarks

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •