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Thread: Culture + Arranged Marriage = Good or Bad

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    Culture + Arranged Marriage = Good or Bad

    Hi everyone, i got bored and i thought what better way to waste everyones precious time by creating another not so interesting thread. Ok, here it is, what is everyone's thoughts of arranged marriage, is it possible for you or if it's (SOOO) not possible then why not? I want to know everyones thoughts on this subject and then i might be able to give out a few pointers about me .

  2. #2
    Registered Giles's Avatar
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    Depends on the arrangement.

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    Registered bbolte's Avatar
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    i don't think that can be objectively discussed outside of one's culture. in the west, it doesn't happen (or at least it's very rare) but in the east it's very common. so one's thoughts will certainly be filtered through that lens.

    i've talked with people from the middle east who are here in the states primarily so they wouldn't have to. but i've also read things by people who've been and say they are extremely happy and in love.

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    My parents have found a girl for me while i'm here at my vacation right now (in turkey). I said ok and told them i would talk with her, i've been going out with this girl for almost 2 weeks and she's going to become my fiance' this saturday. From what I've experienced from the past two weeks, i really like her, at first I liked her for her looks and now everyday that i spend with her I realise that it's who she is that i really like. We're both turning 18 this year and hopefully we'll be getting engaged during the next few weeks.

    Here's how I see things. I know for a fact that there is no such thing as a perfect couple, hence, looking for a partner by dating people for long periods of time seems kinda pointless. Like, every human being has good and bad characteristics so what we do is, we enjoy the good and deall with the bad, it's as simple as that.

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    Registered bbolte's Avatar
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    congrats and good luck!

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    As bbolte says, it's hard for Westerners to comment properly on what is a completely foreign practice to most of us but if you're good to your wife and she's good to you then I don't see why it couldn't lead to as happy a life together as any "traditional" Western matchmaking process.

    Good luck in any regards and congratulations on your upcoming engagement.

    For every chemical you trade a piece of your soul

  7. #7
    Registered Giles's Avatar
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    Good luck with your marriage. I hope it works out well. As for arranged marriage, if you are happy with it then great!

  8. #8
    lol Vinnie's Avatar
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    I wouldn't be making marriage plans with anyone after just 2 weeks, arranged or not.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Vinnie
    I wouldn't be making marriage plans with anyone after just 2 weeks, arranged or not.
    hmm, why? To find out if the other person is a serial killer? Well, i don't think they'd tell you if you went out with that person for a few years (that's if you live that long). Maybe your thinking that if you lived with that person long enough you would get to know all of their bad habbits. The way i'm thinking right now is that every human being has a bad habbit and one would be pretty foolish to go on a world tour looking for their perfect match. My parents are a good example, they got married without even knowing each other propperly, sure they went through rough patches every know and then but hell, who doesn't. My parents have been married more than 40 years and I believe they'll stay married untill "death do them apart" (it's something like that). With what i've just said in mind, i've actually met the girl i'm going to be married, on several occasions we have proven to each other that we like each other, as long as we over come the obstacles that come between us in the future, I think we'll be alrite...

  10. #10
    lol Vinnie's Avatar
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    Please don't take offense to this but:

    You're 17 years old. You probably have little, if any, previous dating experience. Are you saying that after 2 weeks, you know enough about this girl that you know she's the perfect match for you? That there is nobody else on earth that could possibly be a better match for you? Do you even know enough about yourself at this point in your life to accurately make that call? I know that at age 17 I sure as hell didn't know myself well enough to make a lifelong decision like that. I was having a hard enough time deciding what colleges to apply to.

    Again, I don't mean to offend; I'm just offering another point of view. Arranged or not, two weeks of knowing someone seems like an extremely short time to be considering marriage, especially when both parties aren't fully grown up yet. But if you feel you're both mature enough and know each other and yourselves well enough to make this decision without any pressure from outside parties, then more power to you and have a happy life together.
    Vinnie Garcia - Web designer, programmer, pastry chef
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    Since when do humans know exactly what they want (as soon as we acquire the thing we need, we no longer want it), with that said I think it's quiet healthy for both parties to have "some" pressure from our parents.

    I'm seriously getting annoyed at the fact that people are calling me too young to be married (im 17 turning 18 this month) where there are 16 year old kids allowed to get married and have their own kids.

    Here's how I see things, sure there might be a better match for me out there but it's also possible that I could end up with someone worse (you can't really know someone without living with them for a good few years). I don't want to spend years looking for a better match whereas I could be working on myself on becoming a better person myself for my partner.

    Right now, neither me nor my fiancee had any past dating experiences, although we have arguments every now and then (maybe it's too soon to call it love but still) but we love each other more than anyone we've ever know (it could also be due to our hormones). I think if me and my partner start working on our problems at an early age, we'll have a better and a longer marriage then ordinary (mid 20's) marriages.

  12. #12
    lol Vinnie's Avatar
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    Maybe I have some idealized/romanticized view of marriage, but I'd rather take the extra time to find someone who doesn't give me as much crap to put up with in the first place, instead of settling with the first person I find and taking all their crap. I see arguments after 2 weeks to be a bad sign, but then again I never took much guff in my single days. I'd like to think I'm better off (and found someone better than the rest) for doing so.
    Vinnie Garcia - Web designer, programmer, pastry chef
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  13. #13
    Senior Member chromate's Avatar
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    Gotta agree with Vinnie. Seriously if you're having arguments after only 2 weeks something doesn't seem right. Though you seem quite confrontational vahsi000 so that may have something to do with it

    I can honestly say I don't think I had an argument that meant anything with my girlfriend for like the first year or something. I don't think you should marry anyone unless you're in love with them. Simple as that.

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    with the arguments, I kinda did it on purpose to see if she was the kind that gives up on something on the spot, like I believe that after I meet someone for a few days, I can get a good understanding of that persons characteristics and in return I feel obliged not to hide anything and to be upfront with any problems/concerns.

    Here's my question: Why is it that couples that believe that they are in love, the ones that date for a good few years brake up, whereas my parents didn't even know each other (considering they might have had 1 or 2 chances to speak with one another) and they've been married for more than 40 years?

    Note: It wasn't love at first sight.

    BTW, I really like your pic chromate, sometimes I seriously wonder if i'll end up like that guy, rest of the time I joke about it.

  15. #15
    Senior Member chromate's Avatar
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    Well love doesn't always last forever even though when you're in love it often feels like nothing will ever change the way you feel. But if you go into something that's arranged, yes you may stay together and work through problems etc, but you may also never fall in love. That would be a great shame as love is something that makes life worth living. Love's the drug man! Power to the people. Peace. Out.

    BTW, thanks for the compliment regarding the pic. Thinking of changing it soon though. I've seen the same pic used over at sitepoint too and I don't want there to be any mix-up with who's who.

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